Humor

SEATTLE -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Feb. 13, 2007 -- Newsvine, the popular Social News website, announced today that they would be adding a Front Page section dedicated solely to Presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Calvin Tang, Newsvine co-founder: "Over the past week, 80% of all articles and seeds at Newsvine have been about Mr. Obama, he deserves his own section." The Obama section will replace the little used Science section on the front page. "Not many people use the science section, especially now that Global Warming has been confirmed. Sure Cash posts the occasionally science article, but…

The best stuff happens with Greeks. An undersea robot has discovered a Greek ship from 350 BC containing ceramic jars of olive oil, wine and whatever else Greek ships carried back then. Imagine that advertising slogan: "We deliver in six weeks or it's free!" We know that buried ship isn't carrying the head of Medusa because Teri Hatcher is wearing it on her neck: And to add to the goodness that is Greece, archeologists have discovered a huge ancient tomb from 400 BC. I can't think of a single thing that excites me more than archeological ruins in Greece. Except maybe Cheez-Doodles.…

"What is a supermodel?" People sometimes ask me. It has a few definitions and sometimes people argue over them, much the way Heidi Klum and Elle MacPherson fight over who is called "The Body." * But if you're reading this column, your definition of a 'supermodel' is an aspect of complexity science that incorporates multiple variables to try and spit out the best solution. Ha Ha Ha. Okay, okay, supermodels can also be really hot chicks blessed with the combination of low self-esteem and shockingly loose morals that allow them to easily be tricked into deviant sex. Just this once we get to…

They sure did. Seven leaders who contributed mightily in 2006 are being hailed by the UN Environment Programme (UNEP) as 2007 Defenders of the Planet or the Jusice League or whatever we are supposed to call them. No, no, this is a different group. News of the winners comes in advance of UNEP’s annual gathering of environment ministers taking place next week at the organization’s headquarters in Nairobi, Kenya. The risks and opportunities of globalization, in relation to environmental issues, will be high on the agenda of the conference. You, like me, may be wondering why the UN Environment…

3. This study says men are smarter than women. This study says tall people are smarter than short people. This article says a woman is mentally playing tennis, even in a coma. So I should be able to build a space shuttle in an hour if you give me the schematic because I am tall, male and not in a coma. Here's how you can impress me, sociologists. Given all those studies can you explain to me why it is I can't win an argument with Lady Scientist and still get sex? 2. James Lipton is still employed. Worse, he has Teri Hatcher on the season premiere of Inside The Actor's Studio. You know…

Let's face it, sometimes we get tired of dating models. Sure, they clean up well but it gets annoying having to tell her she's beautiful a hundred times a day and the cocaine bill gets expensive. You might think you have no hope of getting an attractive low-maintenance geek girl and I am inclined to agree ( that you can't anyway ) but I would rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so here are my tips to try and help. I present to you Version 1.0 of The Mens Guide To Dating A Geek Girl. Getting Your First Geek Girl So you've seen a geek girl. She's got the Tina Fey glasses on and the…

6. Some people can't accept that humans are smarter than animals. This panda accidentally crushed one of the twins she birthed. Which isn't all that smart, since she didn't even implicate the butler. Want to impress me, zookeepers? Teach pandas to imprison siblings they don't like behind an iron mask, like humans do. 5. There's some confusion about Evolution. Americans are skeptics by nature. A study shows America is just above Turkey in percentage of people who don't believe we evolved from fish. Evolution types don't do themselves any favors by trying to convince people biology doesn'…

I'm off the wagon. And when I fall, I fall hard. It's not just the regular this time—I'm into the hard stuff, like cappuccino and those Starbucks drinks with nifty, pseudo-European names (ah, my soul for one sip of sweet, sweet Moccachino...). I would like to blame my current baby-induced insomnia and resulting massive accumulated sleep debt, or my wife's enabling addiction to Arnold Palmers (half lemonade, half iced-tea) from the new coffee shop down the street, but really these are just lame excuses for my own weakness. And so I'm back to living life by the drop, or more precisely, by the…

10. Benjamin Underwood can't see for squat but he gets around by making clicking noises and using echolocation to visualize the obstacles his radar sends back. Unless he was hit by a truck full of radioactive material and now wears red tights and carries a billy club, science has no explanation for this: Want to impress me, Ben? Read this blog. 9. Telephone telepathy. How is it that sometimes you are thinking about someone and they call? Egads, can that be possible? Of course it can ... it's like wondering how it is possible that men think about sex and sometimes they get sex. If you are…

Population science is more art than science so you can count on me to be a little skeptical. However, there are times when the numbers are just too alarming and we have to mobilize for action. What is this looming population catastrophe? It's Elvis impersonators. Even the Center for Disease Control has sounded the alarm about this issue.  If the CDC is worried about an issue, so am I. When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were an estimated 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. By 1993, there were 48,000 Elvis impersonators, an exponential increase. Extrapolating from this, by 2010 there…