Humor

In what can really only be described as a conference for people nobody likes, Sepp Blatter and Vladimir Putin hung out recently to discuss slave labor (probably), embezzlement (definitely) and the 2018 FIFA World Cup (unfortunately) which will be held in Russia. Blatter and Putin presumably have a lot in common outside of the 2018 tournament; both excel at soliciting and paying bribes, both have a track record on human rights that would make Joseph Kony blush and both think the other is a swell guy. In fact Putin went so far as to say that his buddy Sepp deserves a Nobel Prize, presumably…

By ridiculing vampires, or assuming they are all like those "Twilight" movies, society is making real vampires afraid to come out of the coffin, according to social workers. Real vampires are different than lifestyle vampires, like goths, otherkin, furries and various BDSM identities, say the authors. Think of it like the difference between people with Celiac disease and rich, white women who adapted going gluten-free as a new diet - except Celiac disease is real and there are no real vampires.  But don't you judge them, because you being all judgmental is why social workers are…

Today is the seventy-fifth anniversary of one of the most famous speeches given by Winston Churchill: We shall fight on the beaches of which the best remembered words are We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, ... However, it took all of five years minus a few days to achieve Victory in Europe, and as part of the three-day commemoration, a party for all was held in Horse Guards Parade.  Many of our favourite British songs of the period were performed,…

"La belle Hélène" is a beautiful operetta by Jacques Offenbach. Now for the first time it has been translated and performed in Greek in Athens, by a group of very talented singers under the artistic direction of Panagiotis Adam. I saw "Η Ωράια Ελένη" yesterday at the Olvio theatre in Athens, and I enjoyed it a whole lot.  The story unfolds as Eleni, the wife of Sparta's king Menelaos, lives in a world where men only concern with warfare and neglect love. As Paris, the prince of Troy, arrives disguised as a sheperd, and catches her attention. Eleni's flirt with Paris is discovered by…

With over 40 years using and manipulating gravity for my small arts and crafts business I have discovered the answers to some of the most pressing questions in cosmology - the nature of dark energy and dark matter. As you may know, dark matter is not just present in remote galactic clusters, it is here on earth. I was puzzled why only 6 percent of my arts and crafts were actual detectable matter but I was puzzled over how to identify the missing physics that would take my crafting to the next level. I started with what everyone in arts and crafts knows about dark matter. You can't just try…

BeSlyfMRI Brain Training program, created by Dr. B. Raneded out of California State University, Las Flores, has successfully demonstrated that mindfulness can clear thetans better than Scientology. Not only can fMRI answer what is really going on in a man's head, it can also verify that men can and do think of absolutely nothing when hearing their wives speak, validating suspicions held by women everywhere. Fifteen male healthy controls were scanned using fMRI while watching a video of Scientologist supermodel Agyness Deyn postulating how Hillary Clinton read and deleted 30,000 emails within…

The Anti-Proton Collider experiment of the New Jersey Super Collider (NJSC) announced today that we may not be alone in the universe. This groundbreaking discovery by the largest scientific instrument in the world was confirmed by detectors at five locations around the NJSC’s thirty-mile superconducting loop.  The anti-matter capture team, led by Dr. Brian Vanderhall, has uncovered definitive evidence that the connected network of quantum particles that make up the universe is itself intelligent.  Whether there are one or many such intelligent minds is not certain, but it seems…

There are sometimes complaints that modern men only prefer one certain female body type, but we should blame evolution and prehistoric influences, according to a new study. Professor Anthony Ray from the Department of Evolution and Human Behavior at Mack University investigated male mate preferences for female figures. 200 males, ages 17-21 and receiving extra credit in an introductory psychology class at a small liberal arts college, were presented with images of women who had differing lumbar curvature but the same buttock size and vertebral wedging.  A large majority of the men…

In my role as lead investigator at the Science of People laboratory complex, people often ask me if those 'social skills hacks' they read about are real. Well, I am here to tell you they are, and I put together a video with my favorite one, showing how you can use the awesome power of science to make yourself more memorable to people you will meet in elevators or business meetings or even science conferences. You can try this experiment using materials commonly found in homes and neighborhoods everywhere, it doesn't involve complex fMRI scans, expensive lab equipment or monkeys. Well, maybe…

It is rare enough to have one accepted scientific paradigm turned on its head, but last week we had two. Pay attention. This may never happen again. A study that was just published in the oft cited “Journal of Unintentional Environmentalism and Bassoon Maintenance” got things rolling. It provided proof that proponents of homeopathy have been right all along, despite longstanding, dogmatic and arrogant protestations by second rate pseudoscientific hacks such as myself. More on this later. More incredibly still, during the same week, lightning stuck twice. A study entitled "BPA No…