How To Win Any Argument (Part 1)

Here's how I roll: my wife loves three-dollar bagels from the Sunday farmers' market. And so she says, "let's get a loaf of bread, some flowers, and a flat of strawberries!"When we roll home with only bagels, I feel I've won. No more. I've armed myself with the tools of illogic, thus guaranteeing I win every marital argument from this point forward. You can too.Use the following brain-deflating fallacies to ensure dominance in debate club and/or with unsuspecting significant other.• Appeal to Ignorance: if it isn't proven, it's false—"Did you SEE me bogart the last of the jamocha almond fudge? No? Well, there you go."

Here's how I roll: my wife loves three-dollar bagels from the Sunday farmers' market. And so she says, "let's get a loaf of bread, some flowers, and a flat of strawberries!"

When we roll home with only bagels, I feel I've won. No more. I've armed myself with the tools of illogic, thus guaranteeing I win every marital argument from this point forward. You can too.

Use the following brain-deflating fallacies to ensure dominance in debate club and/or with unsuspecting significant other.

• Appeal to Ignorance: if it isn't proven, it's false—"Did you SEE me bogart the last of the jamocha almond fudge? No? Well, there you go."

• Ad Hominem: Discrediting an argument by discrediting the person making it—"I am right because you suck."

• Affirming the Consequent: If x, then y. Y, therefore x—"When you're wrong you get defensive. Oooh, oooh, you're getting defensive. You're wrong! I win!"

• Argument to Logic: if an argument offered is false, then the entire claim is false—"Actually, that's not my spoon in the sink! Thus am I exonerated!"

• Loaded Question: Any answer validates an assumption—"Why must you always persecute me unjustly?"

Stay tuned: if argument attempts one-through-five are unsuccessful, utilize additional strategies—I'll post 'em over the next four days.

Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5

More importantly what kind of geek are you? If input="math geek", goto your nearest bookstore and purchase a copy of Geek Logik: 50 FoolproofEquations for Everyday Life. If you're a full featured, renaissance geek of all trades looking for a good time at others' expense, consider a copy of The Geeks' Guide to World Domination:Be Afraid Beautiful People. And if you're a geek of the mind, consider preordering a copy of my new book, Brain Candy: Science, Paradoxes, Puzzles, Logic and Illogic to Nourish Your Neurons (shipping August 3rd).