Eggs and rabbits were common fertility symbols of the ancient world. Today come the spring equinox, we continue to worship the pagan, egg-laying bunny (with a massive display of consumerism).

Saint Nicolas of Myra presented three impoverished girls with dowries so they would not have to become prostitutes. His modern incarnation was created and popularized by the 18th century cartoonist Thomas Nast. Come winter solstice, it’s time to worship the jolly old elf (with a massive display of consumerism).

In the 18th century French fairy tale “La Bonne Petit Souris” the title mouse changes into a fairy before hiding under an evil king’s pillow and knocking out all his teeth while he sleeps. In American culture, we offer the fairy money.

Though Uncle Sam doesn’t quite make the cut as a Big Three mythical figure in American culture, his story remains cool: After his birth from the initials U.S. on meat rations during the War of 1812, Uncle Sam has appeared on recruiting posters, as a Grateful Dead mascot, and as the undead antagonist of the 1997 horror film that shares his name. Come the 4th of July, it is time to worship the old coot (with a massive display of gluttony, inebriation and firepower).

What better way to celebrate this Easter than by buying a new copy of The Geeks' Guide to World Domination? In addition to turning the cold light of truth on the rabbit, kiddies will learn how to pickle heads, play internet poker, make a film-canister cannon, and much, much more! Happy Easter!