The Authentic Biography OF H2O

as told exclusively to this author

Thanks to its marvellous memory, water tells some tales of its adventures down through the ages.

It was somewhere between 20 and 40 billion years ago that I was born.  I'm sorry that I can't be more precise but my memory isn't what it used to be.  I can remember flying through space at a colossal speed.  I had to travel under my own steam because there was no way I could buy a ticket to ride. There was no money in those days because of something called inflation.  I wasn't worried about falling because gravity hadn't yet been invented.  I remember being positive that I was somehow incomplete. You can imagine my joy on meeting oxygen for the first time.  We were soon joined as one in electrochemical wedlock but we were not totally compatible.  If you think you have marital problems then you haven't lived.  Can you imagine having to go through marriage and divorce over and over again?  Fortunately, separation has a positive side as well as a negative.

The joys of youth are fleeting. I lost the freedom of space when gravity came along and spoiled things.  Can you imagine being crushed under the heel of gravity and imprisoned in the primal rock for aeons ?  Can you?  I thought not.  I tell you:  being trapped in hot rock is hell on Earth.  I was glad to escape.  It wasn't exactly the freedom of space, but floating up as a vapor and then diving down to hiss against hot rock was a lot of fun.  Really!  You should try it some time.

When the rock eventually cooled enough I found that I could drop from the sky, run downhill fast and dive into the sea.  Those were the days!  That was when I learned all about everything under the sun.  I still remember it all because I kept my lecture notes. Ah! Yes! My schooldays.  I have oceans of memories.

Well, it's been fun chattering.  I could babble on the pebbles,  I could go on forever, but duty calls.  I have to go and succuss myself into a mnemosynic cure for all of mankind's ills.

Image courtesy Wikimedia.

[Edit]
After I posted this, it occurred to me that if water has memory, it should remember being succussed.   So why aren't the people who've swallowed it shaking all over ?  I get the shakes just thinking about homeopathy woo.  Ah, well - must roll.